Mainly Music

Friday Morning.
We attend our local Mainly Music group. There really are some wonderfull poeple, giving so much of their time and energy into doing thease events for us all to enjoy with out children.
We have been attending on and off for about a year and a half now! Tullula still sits on my lap, does very little and is quite expressionless...I danca about, sing the songs and probably make a fool of myself as I have noticed that most poeple are quite shy and reserved in their moves!
This morning I noticed one of the Voluntears smile as she saw me predifn laughing as that was the song!
Yes I was over doing it! But Im sure she loved it!
She makes le laught that Lady, when ever two mother get caught up in conversation, she is not afraid to say in the Microphone "Excuse me; Excuse me; Excuse me, we are here to be with out children" So many times has she done something like that to talkative mother during the session! I smile, but she is right, surly we can give 30min of our time only to our children and wait that time for after, and catch up with a cup of tea and nice sandwishes they have made for us!!!
Well, thats not me!
I am too busy sing and doing the actions to talk to anyone, and anyway I dont have anyone to talk to!
I dont consider myself unsocialble, but its true that is is hard to meet poeple, make/build friendships!
Evenmore so being a forigner...What do I talk about??
I have not been in Australia Long enough to know things, to have things in common with poeple!
Yes, after 2 years I still feel left out! Hard...
So this morning, all I felt like doing was crying. But I helf those tears in...and left as soon as the session was over! I had to get out of there...
I went straight to the Community Health Center, I knew I needed to talk to someone and NOW!
I think I must come to terms with the fact that maybe I still am suffering from Post Natal Depression. Maybe I was right when I thought that that was all over fast. Maybe its NOT over!
Now I know that maybe at this stage its no longer "called" Post Natal Depression, but just plain depression. Who knows? All I know is that the sadness I fet this moring was all relaited to watching all those mothers at Mainly Music....So surly my depression is relaited to something baby!!!
I know that I am in a stiky hole and that my our life here is a what we hoped and I we are aware of the negative factors of it all...So I guess all that needs to be done is change that!
Right?
We all know that sometimes in life things are easyer said that done!
We sall see...