Every body's Elses World!

Sometimes I just get sick of it all!
I get so tired of the world we live in, and just feel like going back to the Ocean. I just want to float in the middle of no where, be with the wind, sun, Ocean and the fish a birds. Watch the sun set and rice and not worry about anything!!!
I grew up with a father that did not stop comparing us with other. I think it was his way to try to get us to work harder...He constantly criticised, well the French are pretty good at that!
There are a lot of all that upbring that I dont agree with...yet I must confess I get stuck in it all!
Its not an easy task breaking free from a pattern that was done for so many years...So every now and then, I start to think that my life sucks, and I look around and think that every one seems so happy, that they are all doing such wonderful things!!!
Its wrong...But I will confess that as a society we also do it to each other..."Oh, how often do you get to surf?"-"I go everyday"....Yeah, well thats great!!! Or I get frustrated with those who boast about the fact that their kids dont go to day care...Sure, I would do that too...If I had someone to help me once in a while!!!! Dont judge me, when you dont even know that I dont have any family or even 1 friend I can call on if needed!!! I am frustrated at how our body's get looked at, as if we are never skinny enough, or good looking or what size bra we wear, if any!!! (my boobs are so so small, I dont need a bra, there is nothing to support)...Where is Tullula? "at day care" -No she is not punished, its not a punishment to go to day care. I have to work and unfortunately she cant come with me, not do i have a best friend that can take care of her!
And yes I only live in a little unit, and no Im not a social case! I just dont have the means to buy a house, let alone rent one! Why, do we get put into boxes??? I feel like no matter what I do, its never good enough!
I really get sick of it all.
It makes me grumpy.
It makes me depressed.

When Paradise becomes Hell

I have been thinking about this all week. In disgust, in horror, in surprise and in a state of chock I guess too!

The Marquises to me have always been a very special place for me!
The first time i went there was when I was 15...
 I can to this day remember arriving there with my family, after many days spend at sea, drifting, fishing, taking our time to cross the Pacific from the Galapagos Islands! The wind had died down as we were about 100mile off the coast, so many days were spend dreaming of that place that was all still a mystery!
I Remember that early morning when finally someone spotted land.
The excitement, it was dawn and it was beautiful! As we sailed along the coast, toward the bay of Taiohae on the Island of Nuku Hiva, with the sun rising lifting the slight night dew and with at came the smell of rich soil and the most exquisite flowers!

We live there for a year!
I had a horse, we explored the islands, we did odd jobs, I tried to go to school and learnt to dance the Tamouré! Those Islands, really did in fact make a little part of who I am!

So, I was delighted at the thought of been able to go back there in 2010, and it was still just as beautiful...Ok, time have changed and there evolution can be practical but charm unfortunately gets lots with all of that!!! So there are some things that I was disappointed with!
But that life... Yet, I was delighted at the fact that my very first child was born there, in the tiny little hospital.
I love the fact that during labour I went for a swim in the Ocean, and walked around the gardens...Hens everywhere!!!
And I will for ever remember after Tullula was born, and after we had been in Observation for the two hours and finally we were allowed to our room to sleep for the night, as those hospital doors opened, again that smell of the Tiare flower, flowing into my nostril! As a welcome to a little girl!!!

Those islands are such a beautiful place on earth! Everyone is so very friendly, its clean, the music goes straight to your soul, the dancing, the great food, the easy peaceful uncomplicated life!!!
I have often thought of them as Paradise... But its amazing how that paradise can actually he Hell for some!
So, in the email I got was the news of this German sailor that was taken on a hunting trip, and was never to return! His wife almost got raped by the guy who took her husband hunting. A fire was found, with remains!!! Now those islands did practise cannibalism, but has been done again buy this one hunter??
Here is a news article about it: Greman missing  
tahiti news
I feel such sadness for that lady! She came to paradise and will forever remember it as Hell! How horrible is that!! I cant even imagine what she must be going though, but it sure that the Marquises will not be a place she will have fond memories of like I do!!!

I know this pots is not very pleasant, but I had to share as its part of my world!